Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize