are you still at the devil's house?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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