Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
