Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
