Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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