you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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