Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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