I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
