we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
