I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
