This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
