I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
