wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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