My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
