capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
