I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize