I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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