The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
