that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
