id be glad to
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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