im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
