tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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