omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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