Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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