I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
