so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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