Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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