If that was your dad, he is hot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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