after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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