thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize