umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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