I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
