I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
