I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
