hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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