I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize