So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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