I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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