Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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