Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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