the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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