Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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