3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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