I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
