Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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