i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
