i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
