Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
