need another drink. this is the easiest way
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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