Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
