Just fell off a train. Bad.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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