You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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