none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
