I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
