Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
