well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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