how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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