I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
