Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
