Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
