Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
