Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
