I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
