I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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