omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
